Lori's Rambling

Garage/Yard Sale -- June 28th and 29th (Friday and Saturday) 7 am - ? Behind 101 N. Lancaster St. Jonestown Bookshelves, computer desk with hutch, Pack n- play, kayak, Easy Set Swimming Pool - 4 ft deep, air conditioner, canopy, tent, toys, crib mattress, golf clubs, water tubing raft and tow ropes, collapsible massage table, bike racks - two strap on types and one trailer hitch type, two Aquaglide Multisport systems (individual, portable, convertible sail boats), wetsuit, cash register, and many more miscellaneous items.

We just got home from the cabin after five days.  I don't understand how five days can go so fast when we are away and go so slow when it is a normal work week.  In the past ten months, we have experienced a lot of difficult firsts.  Everyone has said, and I expected, that the firsts would be the most difficult.  And that may be true, but this was our third trip to the cabin since Scott's death.  The first trip was the most difficult in terms of caring for Jaelyn and her emotions.  I would have to say that this trip, the third, was the most difficult in terms of missing Scott.  We had, what would have been in Scott's eyes, a perfect weekend.  Pine Creek was perfect for kayaking, the weather was warm -- but not too warm and cool -- but not too cool.  It was hard realizing how much Scott would have enjoyed himself this weekend.  I think that the fact that it was Father's Day weekend didn't help my emotions.  I thought about Scott almost constantly and talked about h

I had another major first today.   It was one that I knew was going to come in my new job but didn’t spend too much time thinking about.   Part of my job is assessing my kiddo’s when they are in crisis.   In our county when someone is in crisis emotionally, the place to go is Crisis Intervention at the Good Samaritan Hospital.   So, today one of my kiddo’s was in crisis.   This meant that I made my first trip to Good Sam ER since Scott’s death.   Walking up to the ER with my supervisor (I’m still in training, so she was assisting me), all I could think about was the last time I made that walk.   I cannot tell you how much dread I had when   I made that walk ten months ago, knowing that Scott was already gone and that I was going in to see his body.   The pain of making those final arrangements for him will never leave me.   Today, as I walked past the Cardiac/Trauma room he was in when I arrived at the hospital, it was almost a punch to my gut emotionally looking into that room.

Tonight I started a new devotional book by Beth Moore – “Looking Up – Trusting God with Your Every Need.”   The scripture was Psalms 139:1-16 – a very familiar Psalm.   Yet the part that leaped out at me tonight hit home because of a conversation with a friend today about my grief journey.   She was sharing with me how she felt that I was going through this journey with so much grace and handling things amazingly.   I responded that I didn’t feel like I had a choice in moving forward.   I have often said that without Jaelyn to keep me moving forward that I feel like I would have just curled up in a ball.   She didn’t believe this.   I shared with her that I have my dark moments – not that I “allow” people to see – these moments are in my leisure time.   The temptation is either to keep so busy that I don’t have time to think about our loss, or, to the other extreme, to wallow in the grief and misery.   The trick is finding the balance – having the time to grieve and work through th