Saturday, as I was thinking about Valentine’s Day, I was trying to remember if I wrote a post last year for Valentine’s Day – my first since Scott’s death. I began looking back and re-reading posts that I wrote in the first six months after his death. Wow – as emotional as it was to look back, it was so encouraging. To see how far I have come in this seemingly never ending journey was so encouraging. I remember how dark and deep the hole of grief seemed in those first days and months. This journey is so slow that it is difficult to see the progress as you go. I would strongly encourage anyone in this journey to find some way of documenting it, whether it is writing, photos, drawing, or simply phrases noted on a calendar.
It was such a blessing to see the lessons God has taught me, the ways He has blessed me, and His perfect timing in words of encouragement and grace from friends, family, and sometimes strangers. It is such a clear documentation of His footsteps in the sand when He carried me. Quite frankly, I needed this wake-up call, as on Valentine’s Day I was pretty much having a pity party for myself. I know I’m not the only one who is a single mother, widow, or alone on Valentine’s Day. Scott was never one to do anything huge or extravagant for Valentine’s Day and that didn’t really bother me – love isn’t just for one special day. Yet, this year every time I thought about Valentine’s Day, it just made me feel down. I was missing Scott and just plain missing having that special someone in my life. Reading the word picture of my journey and the documentation of our love and God’s blessings, especially over the past year and a half, brought me out of my pity party and reminded me of how much God has given me and how much He loves me. He has surrounded me with loving and caring friends and family. He has provided for our every need and then some, allowing us to be a blessing by giving back.